i'm sick of just liking people. i wish to god i could meet somebody i respect.

...but the lows are so extreme the good seems fucking cheap.

This week has been tumultuous, at best. Arguably worse with both ups and downs.

I received news at the beginning of the week that my grandfather had passed away. We were never particularly close, but its still pretty terrible news to bear. Also, because my mom and I are close--and I knew it would be most difficult on her. Monday morning, I walked into the office at Deadline and my dispatcher let me know it would be his last week. He had just returned to Chicago from Boston, where he had been for the prior two weeks, due to his mother's passing. After 10 years at the company, he re-evaluated priorities and decided it was time to move back, and be closer to his family. I entirely respect his decision, especially this time of year, yet I still can't help but be a little selfish, and know I will miss him a whole lot--for his professionalism, superior dispatching skills, and just being an amazing person to chat with on the radio all day. My work experience is certainly going to be worlds different once he's gone.

I received some similarly terrible news this afternoon. All I want to say is: love your friends while they're here. I'm sure we've all felt the disconnect--the times when you're in a room of people and still feel entirely alone. I've been the fortunate enough in these times to have someone magically find the words to reassure me, demonstrate that I have truly wonderful people in my life and people who, for some reason or another, value me and bring me to realize its all worth it. Tell someone you typically would not explicitly share with, just how awesome you think they are. How glad you are to have them in your life. &hugs. a lot more hugs. you can never have enough hugs.

longest weekend, ever.

a long friday with pleasantly continuous work bulldozed forward with a 6pm meet up at the garage. we waited around and packed up a full cuttin' cruiser of 14 people to roll out to bloomingdale for the pre-cross hotel party. hotel party?! you ask. yes, hotel party, at the hilton.



cuttin crew members rented out 4 rooms: our room hosted nine people. bed bouncing and a realization the minibar was NOT to be messed with was immediately followed with a visit to the cave bar ($2 fat tires, in a cave with leopard print carpeting, woah.) to a necessary trip to the pool before it closed at 11pm. group cannonball jumps, splash wars, and getting pushed in too many times, accompanied by lots of talks from the hotels workers meant we were definitely made to leave at closing time. next step: the karaoke bar. kelly clarkson, george michael, and ODB kept our group dancing, and the wedding party that was also using the space, kept us fed. 2am bedtime meant nothing when a group member is escorted back to the room at 3am, alarms start going unanswered at 6am, and everyone is yelling by 7am. by 9am, room 354 was wide awake and ready to find coffee, lots of it. 9 people in claire's car and we made it to bentley's pancake house. our waitress blew phil's mind when he realized he could have pancakes, and potatoes, and eggs. oh man.

someone had already carried the couches to the top of the hill, giving us a prime spot. the races passed with lots of amplified heckling (see: don't give a microphone to augie until he puts on the bunny suit), beermosas, and sod hand ups. our group departed before the 4Bs, enabling us to arrive back in chicago before the sadie hawkin's ride. i arrived at the blue frog and was blown away by the sheer number of bikes. 81 couples showed up to ride and show off their style. i was worried with the immediate police presence at the beginning (who beelined it for korby. luckily he handled that well) and a short bout of rain and the hour late start time, but manifests were finally handed out--8 mandatory checkpoints, a handful of optional checkpoints, and 2 1/2 hours to ride--and the ride went off surprisingly smooth

allison, kyle and i handled the handlebar picture checkpoint. we photographed about 65 couples, and were able to see most of the riders in all their stylish attire/costumes. &we were well able to entertain ourselves with the dress-up attire.


link to set



the after party at the cobra was also well attended, but the lack of drink deals and randomized participation in open sprints led people trickling out early. i personally was exhausted due to the prior nights excursions; my lack of money and inebriation led me to cut out around 1am.

12 hours of sleep, big lebowski, lots of coffee, tj's shopping trip and bike repairs made up my sunday. hibernation time for the upcoming week of probable rain, overdue indeed.

maybe i'll actually be responsible.

so much time, so many big events. winter is around the corner and im almost ready to hunker down and cuddle up, in many ways. i'm in the midst of season 4 of the wire and simutaneously beginning mad men. chris and i both are receiving netflix coupled with a hankering to cultivate hometime hang outs, both within our house and between the burgeoning humboldt park neighborhood. chili nights have been a tuesday mainstay with rotating households, in addition to ali and kyles continuation of bbqs (despite not venturing outside for too much during them).
traveling has been high on my priority list, though sort of unrealized until recently. maybe it has in part been due to the many awesome travels ive experienced already this summer (nyc, boston, tokyo, and most recently philly) but the restless is worming in my mind-while money is often the issue, its going to have to happen (sf over winter break, portland for the westside, guatemala for cmwc, atlanta for nacccs, and some desire to check out nyc in the winter. best to keep up on those airfare wars.)
while october was bleak and could be, november has dawned sunny and crisp, a treat of actual fall instead of a straight leap into winter. i've tried to cobble together a bike for cyclocross season, but my trips to cyclocross have instead been beermosa and heckling filled rather than actual racing. this weekend promises a little of both--the cuttin' crew is hosting a hotel party at the hilton before the cyclocross race on saturday. i have been promised a borrowed bike and a chance to pre-ride the course to assuage my hesitant nerves, primarily due to my absence of dirt riding since, santa cruz really.
our trip to philly was pretty fantastic. i realize more and more how greatly i rely on other people for my happiness. while i enjoy my alone time, being in a non-stop group is amazing. departing on friday morning, we (jake, allison, scott and i) drove the 12 hours + 1 hour time change to arrive for a pre-party at tattoo mom's and followed by an after party at donovan/matty/magic's house, which happened to be where we were sleeping too. others had complaints--i just miss punk houses, so the holes in the walls, the 3 people also sleeping on the couch in the morning, and the sticky kitchen floor didn't particularly bother me. the pbr hangover did. the remainder of the chicago crew (claire, augie, nico, chris, and mike malone) woke us up at 7am when they arrived with a giant cuddle puddle and lots of delirious chatter. not being able to fall back asleep, we ventured out for coffee, bagels and bloody marys and spent the rest of the afternoon in style at rittenhouse square eating vegan philly cheese steaks and slow rolling in the surprising warm and sunny weather. more hanging out ensured back at the house and at 6pm, we headed to the race start. jeff was not only throwing "house party cat 2" but hosting the start and a checkpoint at his house, what a guy.



i wanted to actually ride rather than just party, so i found the straight edge kid.
we did some serious planning:


matty, mike and i stuck together for the whole race, cutting down narrow one ways, and dodging yells and horns. space wine, spoonfuls of peanut butter, a beer bong, jello shots, s'mores, and dice games later, we rolled in 7th, 8th and 9th. we went back to the kegger party and back to the kyber and then the after after party. oh philly knows how to do it. with a 3am return, we woke up for an amazing vegan brunch and headed out for the long drive back. so much driving, and more money than i intended (or should've) to spend, but totally worth it.
this trip also made me think a lot about allison and my arbitrary decision to move to chicago. how would've turned out had we chosen philly? matty and donovan said we would've hated them already (ha!) but there is something to be said about the much smaller, scene feeling of philly that is more akin to portland or santa cruz where i find chicago on par with los angeles or even new york in the numerous neighborhoods and sheer size of the city that invites completely different community. who knows, maybe i've just been introspective lately, but i really can't help to consider (too introspective on this, and far too many other points probably...) i always liked the off minor lyric, "who you are is not a function of where you are", with a personal interpretation of too many people who continue to move, searching for something that they lack and hoping to magically find it with distance. i've thought that to be true in the past, but lately i've definitely been meriting an opposing viewpoint-that where you live can still largely dictate the scenes you involve yourself in and the ideas that are thrown around. i didn't feel like that changed greatly when i moved from santa cruz to sf, but it definitely has changed with my move to chicago.

anyhow, enough of that, i still have plenty on my plate, and a lot of good people around me. the new house (we moved back in september to humboldt park--the commute's longer, but the neighborhoodly vibe is worth it) is much larger and pretty amazing.

NACCC mayhem

So, I know, it's been a full week since NACCCs, but you should try to hang out with SF and Philly for 72 hours and try to recover in less than a week.

My "weekend" began Tuesday morning with the departure of the R1 ride, a 230 mile ride from NYC to Boston split into 3 days. Arriving at 124th St, we piled our gear into the support vehicle and readied ourselves for the 110 miles that lay before Hartford, that night's destination. Expecting it to begin late, I rolled out scarfing down a granola bar having not eaten or had coffee that morning. The 16 person group remained together while leaving the city, but once outside city limits, the road bikes took off. Dave and I hung with Chas and his partner Liam until the Connecticut border. By 11am it was 90 degrees, I needed to stop for coffee and more calories. We made a quick stop at a local deli and answered tons of questions about our tour. And on again. The heat made a quick lunch inside an air conditioned deli necessary. We trucked on again, having seen a few more riders fly by the window. This pattern continued, passing and getting passed amid all the riders respective stops. A flat, some cramps, lots more Gatorade and bananas later, we managed to navigate our way into Hartford without getting lost, finishing 5th and 6th for the day.

Day 2 was shorter, but far more difficult. We again left as a group, and as soon as we reached the route, strung out quickly. I've become less sharp on my climbing skills, and far less able to spin like crazy on my track bike down the constant rollers Connecticut was throwing at us. This time we packed a lunch, but still made a break for iced coffee and air conditioning. Rolling out again, I was feeling pretty strong, but as hills kept coming, suddenly the last 10 miles became increasingly taxing. A quick stop for Powerade held me through, but I rode into Providence on a steady pace, with zero push left in my legs.

I expected to feel the soreness of the day prior while heading out on the last leg of our trip, but the flatness of our route and the idea of only 50 miles to Boston kept me going strong. Within the first few miles of being on our bikes, we were down poured on. For twenty minutes, we all became thoroughly soaked. And just as suddenly, it passed and within the next half hour, the sun came out. This leg took us mostly on highways and next to strip malls, which was a big departure from the hilly, but beautiful route of the day prior. With 10 miles left, we rode into tree-shaded wide roads, and knew we were getting close. At that point, we pushed it until we got into the city and promptly got ourselves lost. With a little too much directional help from a local (also accompanied by a history lesson) we were directed to the downtown and finally found our way into Winthrop Square, warmly welcome by the rest of our R1 crew and very friendly Boston locals. Luckily, the final day left me less wrecked than the ride to Providence and more ready from the coming weekend.
A huge thanks to Squid for organizing VeloCity and then immediately following it up with this awesome event. Great times.

The week prior to NACCCs, the organizers sent out a packet that included the checkpoints that would be included in the main race and the best routes to travel to and from each. The set up: riders are sent out in a staggered order, given one manifest to begin. Each manifest provided 5 pick ups, and only once a rider made the pick up, did they know where their package was going and how much it was worth. Riders only had to complete 4 of the drops on each manifest, but could complete all 5. At each drop, the checkpoint worker called in the pick or drop and had it verified by the "base". Once a manifest was completed, that manifest had to be returned to the "base" to receive their next manifest. Riders were allotted 4 hours to complete as many drops with the ultimate goal was to earn as much money (true work simulation, right?!) as possible. Under this model, you were able to watch the progress of all the riders live.
Now, Boston is confusing. Really confusing after living in a perfectly gridded Chicago, with the most matter of fact, clear addresses. Beginning Thursday night, riding from downtown to where we were staying in Jamaica Plain, I was trying to pay attention to street names and navigational clues. Saturday afternoon, a group of Chicago kids pre-rode many of the checkpoints with an attempt to form some semblance of a mental map to a city you've known for only three days. Still, I managed to cement my N-S-E-W bearings, and it seemed to help me out a lot.

Saturday at Track and Field event with Dave and Emily:

link to flickr set

Sunday morning, I had a 10am start time and nervously arrived at 9:30am. Two other people were there. The start was at a bizarre location and seemingly many kids had mixed up or got lost getting out to the start location. Around 10am, more and more participants started flowing in and by 10:15ish, the first heat of four of us were finally sent off. While doing last minute map checks, we were given a local tip on the fasted way downtown. Upon receiving our manifest, three of us had a downtown checkpoint, and took that tip that took us an off ramp north on the freeway shoulder that quickly (and safely) dropped us our right by our first pick up. From there, we all had different manifests and were sent in different directions. Myself, I headed up Beacon Hill, the front side. For the first hour, I still kept having to pull out my map from my jersey pocket and verify my directions. After that, it began flowing a lot smoother. I was second guessing myself all through the first manifest, completing a measly $6 run because it was super close. I had to haul all the way south to Jamaica Plain to drop and pick up. While headed back north, I suddenly decided again completing my 5th drop way out on the beach, even though it was worth $12. While heading back to base to return my manifest, I kept thinking I was going to be really frustrated later when I finished $6 down from someone because I had stupidly opted out of that drop. I headed back into base and was told I was the first one to complete my first manifest. "Well obviously," I thought, "I was in the first heat and only completed four. Onward, keep going."
As I went on, the manifests just kept making so much sense--only a couple times did I have to double back to complete a drop and both times, it was unavoidable as I was getting sent back from the pick up I had done. I waited out the long runs and usually got doubled up with something else going out to a far off pick up, or a drop at a nearby location. I kept running into people who were getting super lost, but I just kept taking the same routes I had already figured out. Even if they weren't the absolute fastest, they were large, main streets and I didn't need to look at my map anymore. As I came into the Chrome base for my third manifest, someone asked me how I was doing. I said I thought pretty well, I hadn't became seriously lost or forgot and pick/drop yet. She responded, "Hm, ok. I was told some girl from Chicago is in first." I had to respond, "Well, I'm the only female here from Chicago, so I guess that's me." Still, I was confused how they were figuring this out since I had started before everyone else. I thought there had to be some mistake and just kept pushing. It was hot and luckily most of the checkpoints were providing water and snacks. Last year, I had seriously bonked the second day and was determined not to do the same. Snacks and more water, check. Red Bull? Ugh, chug one or two if it's my only option. Luckily, I was getting juice and nicer granola bars than I buy for myself. Around my forth manifest, the dispatch program gummed up and we were forced to freeze across the board, where ever we were. Everyone was in stand still, which I actually relished-refilling my water, stretching, and double checking my routing. Fifteen minutes later, we were sent off again. I rocked my way up through Allston and was almost hit by someone else barreling out of the Puma driveway. Deep breath--even if you're doing well, it's worth nothing if you can't finish. I kept that in my head while working my way back through Cambridge. I was hearing yells for Chicago all over--we had loudly made our presence know in the earlier part of the weekend--and all this encouragement kept me going. I delivered my girl.dog.bike. package to the Freight checkpoint only for the worker to show me what I was delivering--a relish sandwich. I had already delivered a brick and a bag of dirt, ah the creativity.
On manifest six, I had to make the long haul through Back Bay and south to Jamaica Plain. Once down there, the systems froze again. Five of us were on standby, for almost a half hour. I replenished and finally just sat around (again, real work simulation, right?). I was realizing how this format, as much as speediness, focused on routing and patience for busting out the long runs, which I loved. After JP, my last stop to clean up was base. I rolled into base and Billy told me I was finished. Instead of the initial proposed 6 hours, they were going to cut it at 4 hours, and I had been riding for 5 at that point. Only my first five manifests ended up counting, but Billy was fairly certain I had taken it, since most people were also done, or close to finishing four hours at that point. I was honestly surprised, all along I kept expecting that it was all an oversight based on my early start. Yet at the four hour cut across the board, I had completed 23 drops earning $213, coming in 2nd, a fellow Chicagoian, Nico with 18 drops and $176. Chicago takes it!

All said and done, this NACCC was extremely different than the prior two years I have attended/participated--San Francisco and Chicago, both in format and in the attendees. The open course format garnered criticism prior to the event and effectively disabled Boston locals from participating, since they would have been given an unfair advantage and entirely deterred others from attending. Yet, without attempting to defend or promote the choices made in formatting the 2009 NACCCs, I do want to comment on--despite all early criticisms--how well the entire event went off. I was welcomed enthusiastically by all locals-a feeling shared by everyone else I was traveling with, there were plenty of events all weekend long, and no one was hurt the entire weekend. The main race was challenging, ambitious in execution (writing a whole software program? hell yeah.), and ultimately just a whole lot of fun. And while taken seriously, the undertone has always primarily revolved around bringing an awesome community from diverse locals together, and in that, a great event and weekend.

Pictures from the Independent Fabrications checkpoint:



CASEY!


MICHAEL!


CHASSY!


NICO (1st male!)


amazing STEVE


MIKE!


----------
yeah, it's been forever since i posted to this blog. i wrote the above for the cuttin crew blog and figured it should get cross posted.
other news: allison and i are moving at the end of the month. staying in chicago but looking in humboldt/logan area, with chris dilts! can't wait for xbox 360 and netflix on demand! and living with chris of course.
more later...

good friends helping you make bad decisions

last friday marked the opening of the new west town bikes (with the retail shop, ciclo urbano, in the front) the local co-op bike shop, with new digs on 2459 w division street. the new space is much larger, and what better way to celebrate than invite everyone over to drink and hang out? by the time i got there after work, the place was packed and there were a lot people there i've never seen before. now the weather's getting nicer, it's made me realize how much bigger chicago is, and how many more people i have to meet! christina came over from the messenger picnic and we all hung out until about 10, when they started kicking everyone out. a quick stop for burritos was in order, and then we made our way up to ali's for her housewarming. it was mellow, but really nice to see everyone.

Saturday, christina and i were being old ladies and stayed in until noon so we could listen to this american life and drink coffee (so good!) after some shopping and retrieving cursive tickets, we met up with amy and matt to talk about how we haven't hung out since high school and see what everyone was up to. it definitely struck me how despite our differences and different choices in life paths, the certain commonalities we have from shared past experiences creates a certain bond. We definetely still had a lot to talk about, catch up and hear about other peopl from high school.

so last week, cait got the fantastic idea we should have a good old fashioned sleepover: girls and gay boys only (which we later amended to: or boys that will get their nails painted and watch molly ringwald movies) complete with face masks, cosmo quizzes and watching clueless. so much girl talk, mixed in with gay politics and religion, as well as figuring out "what kind of cosmo girl are you?" (we were "ready to settle down"... um, or not?)


we woke up to a gorgeous morning and decided it was imperative to eat blueberry pancakes and drink screwdrivers on the porch. cait and jason have the most amazing backyard, so we got to watch scout and amos run around the yard while we sat in the sunshine with blossoms falling through the air and made summer plans. summer '09!


after a quick rooftop visit at cait's, christina and i headed opted for another roof, where russell provided us with a gourmet bloody mary spread (that turned out quite tasty!) and despite all the pressure to call in sick, i decided to leave by 2 in order to get to work.


so this is my last week at whole foods (tomorrow's my last day!) and they decided to send me off with 5 closing shifts in a row (which i sometimes hate) but this week, the weather was so perfect, that it was actually a total blessing in disguise. I got to enjoy late nights at simone's, afternoons at hot dougs, cinco de mayo on the twisted spoke rooftop, a long ride with emily and marie up the north branch trail and definitely not least, another extended stay on the handlebar patio. yesterday we got together 10-15 people and racked up a $225 tab in five hours on the patio. great group, so much talking and giggling and planning and yelling and the servers totally love us. (right?)

christina stuck around later and headed down to bar deville with the group, while i headed up north to meet up with some co-workers at baby matilda and later on, the oakwood. it was pretty mellow and by 1:30, i decided i needed to commence the trek back down damen and go straight to bed. christina actually got up in time to get to the track this morning. i stayed home and watched when harry met sally..... oh, motivation. where are you?

up next! cursive, james brown dance party with vegan cupcakes, and dress up night with the ladies. hot damn!

in passing

this isn't super post worthy, i just liked it.

i'm currently halfway through reading middlesex, i happened upon this line:

"emotions, in my experience aren't covered by single words. I don't believe in "sadness", "joy", or "regret". Maybe the best proof that they language is patriarchal is that is over simplifies feeling. I'd like to have at my disposal complicated hybrid emotions, Germanic traincar constructions, like, say, "the happiness that attends disaster." Or: "the disappointment of sleeping with one's fantasy"...I've never had the right words to describe my life..."

i've definitely heard this sentiment expressed in a variety of college courses, and emphatically felt it applied to my own life. so it's always nice when your dictionary.com word of the day, not only breaks down the limited ways to wholly describe feelings/emotions, but one i feel could certainly be applied to my own mannerisms

risible \RIZ-uh-buhl\, adjective:

1. Capable of laughing; disposed to laugh.
2. Exciting or provoking laughter; worthy of laughter; laughable; amusing.
3. Relating to, connected with, or used in laughter; as, "risible muscles."

and really, this coupled with my seeming difficulty in completing the daily redeye crossword recently, and being owned in scrabble at our archie's game night on wednesday, i just need work on continuing to expand my vocabulary. hell yeah.

[and, it's been a good week last week. speed summary from saturday: bits of rain, lots of watching of carnivale, basement shows and dance parties and friends to share screw top bottles of wine with. too much more rain, a free m ward invite, complete with complementary soymilk, carrots, fruit and salsa. shlitz at the blind robin despite a downpour, dancing at danny's to smith's+ blondie +new order on a tuesday, 1/2 price whisky at twisted spoke for week two with brian followed by the aforementioned archie's game night, and rounding it up last night at handlebar with ruby + cait+ jason amid sleepover plans, internet shit talking, and the like. big weekend plans, full speed ahead. i'm starting to see the amazingness of chicago in the springtime!)