you're not at your best on your own today...

... you need the energy of other people to get you going. if you're surrounded by others who share your values, you can perform at your peak.
-virgo horoscope for today.
and somehow i feel this is true for most days, especially per a conversation i had just last night. and i've been needing more "peak performance" out of myself lately. phew.

i also found this amazing website/blog with "strange maps," maps redo for specific purposes or, in this case, allegorical, but all super interesting.



we had also just been talking about chicago being the "beer belly" of america and when i brought up the site the other day:


which awesomely includes quotes from a david lynch movie the straight story which i have yet to see. with harry dean stanton. if it is anywhere near as good as paris, texas which i only recently saw, i will be please. on the david lynch note, i'll leave with a log lady quote.

"there is a sadness in this world, for we are ignorant of many things. yes, we are ignorant of many beautiful things - things like the truth. So sadness, in our ignorance, is very real. The tears are real. What is this thing called a tear? There are even tiny ducts - tear ducts - to produce these tears should the sadness occur. Then the day when the sadness comes - then we ask: "Will this sadness which makes me cry - will this sadness that makes my heart cry out - will it ever end?" The answer, of course, is yes. One day the sadness will end."

it's like you finally realize how lucky you really are to have had a few great heartbreaks.

i took a sharp left down an alley yesterday and suddenly remembered that less than a month ago, i wouldn't have dared with the amount of snow and ice on that had inhabited the ground then. yet, this past week has been amazing--shirt sleeves and shorts in march, who knew?! i think this is a premonition of a daringly warm summer, but i'll take it for now. yet, this weekend winter felt necessary to reassert itself, and keep chicago in check with a blast of sleet. ugh, the return of the wet 30s, but the forecast is to be clear through the next week. oddly better, since i'm in the lower denomination who would rather clear weeks and stormy weekends. in this spring/summer weather, i finally relearn to love my job and reel in the negative attitude (sometimes, its beyond my will to keep it in check) when the sun emerges. i'd like to think i have more control over my emotions (who wouldn't), but i'll be realistic (we're all so naive) and recognize the strength of sun and warmth on my general happiness. smiles and all, i'd prefer to tear across the loop, &enjoy riding my bike, and then continue to feel justified in my movie *cough*degrassi*cough* watching, brunches filled with excessive coffee and bloody marys, complete with naps on weekends, which always feel so much more appropriate with gloom, gloom, gloom.
today was technically the first day of spring. ironically, also the worst weather we've had in weeks. yet daylight savings "spring ahead" has saved my sanity (in addition to 3 pieces of free cake in 2 days. apparently its birthday season. i'm in luck) since arriving home in daylight encourages me to do more than simply curl up with the closest cat who wants to snuggle (usually oscar). we celebrated with brunch at erica and sean's. cozy hang out with an amazing variety of yummy vegan food and homemade pickled creations erica had canned the previous summer (i'm going to be all over that this summer). i spent the remainder of the day cleaning up from the final chili night. chili night was forcibly ended (though by allison and i, ha) since winter is "over". according to it's nature, the event insisted on going out with a bang. bang indeed. At 930, i escaped to the porch since with the sheer number of attendees, i could hardly move around in my own kitchen. i kept proclaiming, "this is a potluck, not a party," yet i even knew i was sadly mistaken. at 11pm, a dance party to spice girls erupted despite my futile yells to "turn it the fuck down". finally, by 12:30 the crowd has dissipated. but to not be mistaken, it was TOTALLY awesome to have a sort of closure with the official winter. &i felt damn proud to have carried this event from october-march (despite russell's proclamations for failure) with allison. thanks to boggle, booze, and cheap crayons +paper from the family dollar, everyone seemed to have a blast. already there are murmurings of spring BBQs. i can only hope. &hope they are planned by someone else.
sundays have been filled with shakespeare night at cait's (currently reading the taming of the shrew after an avid viewing of ten things i hate about you) as well as emo nights at tuman's (so much braid, promise ring & jawbreaker) at the end of the month. the first criterium of the year kicks off this monday and i'm anxiously trying to pull myself together with a proper bike AND arrive down at calumet by 6:30pm. i've shirked at properly getting into shape as compared to some of my teammates, but i'm damn excited to begin this season.
as always, i feel incomplete and abstract by not filling in the gaps, but it is what it is. i cannot wait for summer, and as much for people to cease talking about how close summer is. short-shorts will rule my life, and more, after work hang outs with the burgeoning community of humboldt/logan. but really, things just seem to be working my way, thank you.

...and happiness is overrated.

so some day, when i'm rich, i will buy this:



i should update for realz, but it becomes increasingly difficult as time passes. i'll sum it up with: winter is long. but somehow, i'm coming to love chicago more &more, and i find it's primarily due to so many amazing people. my friends out here are amazing. sundays rule: brunch, aqua teen hunger force, shakespeare readings &emo night. sometimes i don't see how i can continually end up so lucky.

i'm sick of just liking people. i wish to god i could meet somebody i respect.

...but the lows are so extreme the good seems fucking cheap.

This week has been tumultuous, at best. Arguably worse with both ups and downs.

I received news at the beginning of the week that my grandfather had passed away. We were never particularly close, but its still pretty terrible news to bear. Also, because my mom and I are close--and I knew it would be most difficult on her. Monday morning, I walked into the office at Deadline and my dispatcher let me know it would be his last week. He had just returned to Chicago from Boston, where he had been for the prior two weeks, due to his mother's passing. After 10 years at the company, he re-evaluated priorities and decided it was time to move back, and be closer to his family. I entirely respect his decision, especially this time of year, yet I still can't help but be a little selfish, and know I will miss him a whole lot--for his professionalism, superior dispatching skills, and just being an amazing person to chat with on the radio all day. My work experience is certainly going to be worlds different once he's gone.

I received some similarly terrible news this afternoon. All I want to say is: love your friends while they're here. I'm sure we've all felt the disconnect--the times when you're in a room of people and still feel entirely alone. I've been the fortunate enough in these times to have someone magically find the words to reassure me, demonstrate that I have truly wonderful people in my life and people who, for some reason or another, value me and bring me to realize its all worth it. Tell someone you typically would not explicitly share with, just how awesome you think they are. How glad you are to have them in your life. &hugs. a lot more hugs. you can never have enough hugs.

longest weekend, ever.

a long friday with pleasantly continuous work bulldozed forward with a 6pm meet up at the garage. we waited around and packed up a full cuttin' cruiser of 14 people to roll out to bloomingdale for the pre-cross hotel party. hotel party?! you ask. yes, hotel party, at the hilton.



cuttin crew members rented out 4 rooms: our room hosted nine people. bed bouncing and a realization the minibar was NOT to be messed with was immediately followed with a visit to the cave bar ($2 fat tires, in a cave with leopard print carpeting, woah.) to a necessary trip to the pool before it closed at 11pm. group cannonball jumps, splash wars, and getting pushed in too many times, accompanied by lots of talks from the hotels workers meant we were definitely made to leave at closing time. next step: the karaoke bar. kelly clarkson, george michael, and ODB kept our group dancing, and the wedding party that was also using the space, kept us fed. 2am bedtime meant nothing when a group member is escorted back to the room at 3am, alarms start going unanswered at 6am, and everyone is yelling by 7am. by 9am, room 354 was wide awake and ready to find coffee, lots of it. 9 people in claire's car and we made it to bentley's pancake house. our waitress blew phil's mind when he realized he could have pancakes, and potatoes, and eggs. oh man.

someone had already carried the couches to the top of the hill, giving us a prime spot. the races passed with lots of amplified heckling (see: don't give a microphone to augie until he puts on the bunny suit), beermosas, and sod hand ups. our group departed before the 4Bs, enabling us to arrive back in chicago before the sadie hawkin's ride. i arrived at the blue frog and was blown away by the sheer number of bikes. 81 couples showed up to ride and show off their style. i was worried with the immediate police presence at the beginning (who beelined it for korby. luckily he handled that well) and a short bout of rain and the hour late start time, but manifests were finally handed out--8 mandatory checkpoints, a handful of optional checkpoints, and 2 1/2 hours to ride--and the ride went off surprisingly smooth

allison, kyle and i handled the handlebar picture checkpoint. we photographed about 65 couples, and were able to see most of the riders in all their stylish attire/costumes. &we were well able to entertain ourselves with the dress-up attire.


link to set



the after party at the cobra was also well attended, but the lack of drink deals and randomized participation in open sprints led people trickling out early. i personally was exhausted due to the prior nights excursions; my lack of money and inebriation led me to cut out around 1am.

12 hours of sleep, big lebowski, lots of coffee, tj's shopping trip and bike repairs made up my sunday. hibernation time for the upcoming week of probable rain, overdue indeed.

maybe i'll actually be responsible.

so much time, so many big events. winter is around the corner and im almost ready to hunker down and cuddle up, in many ways. i'm in the midst of season 4 of the wire and simutaneously beginning mad men. chris and i both are receiving netflix coupled with a hankering to cultivate hometime hang outs, both within our house and between the burgeoning humboldt park neighborhood. chili nights have been a tuesday mainstay with rotating households, in addition to ali and kyles continuation of bbqs (despite not venturing outside for too much during them).
traveling has been high on my priority list, though sort of unrealized until recently. maybe it has in part been due to the many awesome travels ive experienced already this summer (nyc, boston, tokyo, and most recently philly) but the restless is worming in my mind-while money is often the issue, its going to have to happen (sf over winter break, portland for the westside, guatemala for cmwc, atlanta for nacccs, and some desire to check out nyc in the winter. best to keep up on those airfare wars.)
while october was bleak and could be, november has dawned sunny and crisp, a treat of actual fall instead of a straight leap into winter. i've tried to cobble together a bike for cyclocross season, but my trips to cyclocross have instead been beermosa and heckling filled rather than actual racing. this weekend promises a little of both--the cuttin' crew is hosting a hotel party at the hilton before the cyclocross race on saturday. i have been promised a borrowed bike and a chance to pre-ride the course to assuage my hesitant nerves, primarily due to my absence of dirt riding since, santa cruz really.
our trip to philly was pretty fantastic. i realize more and more how greatly i rely on other people for my happiness. while i enjoy my alone time, being in a non-stop group is amazing. departing on friday morning, we (jake, allison, scott and i) drove the 12 hours + 1 hour time change to arrive for a pre-party at tattoo mom's and followed by an after party at donovan/matty/magic's house, which happened to be where we were sleeping too. others had complaints--i just miss punk houses, so the holes in the walls, the 3 people also sleeping on the couch in the morning, and the sticky kitchen floor didn't particularly bother me. the pbr hangover did. the remainder of the chicago crew (claire, augie, nico, chris, and mike malone) woke us up at 7am when they arrived with a giant cuddle puddle and lots of delirious chatter. not being able to fall back asleep, we ventured out for coffee, bagels and bloody marys and spent the rest of the afternoon in style at rittenhouse square eating vegan philly cheese steaks and slow rolling in the surprising warm and sunny weather. more hanging out ensured back at the house and at 6pm, we headed to the race start. jeff was not only throwing "house party cat 2" but hosting the start and a checkpoint at his house, what a guy.



i wanted to actually ride rather than just party, so i found the straight edge kid.
we did some serious planning:


matty, mike and i stuck together for the whole race, cutting down narrow one ways, and dodging yells and horns. space wine, spoonfuls of peanut butter, a beer bong, jello shots, s'mores, and dice games later, we rolled in 7th, 8th and 9th. we went back to the kegger party and back to the kyber and then the after after party. oh philly knows how to do it. with a 3am return, we woke up for an amazing vegan brunch and headed out for the long drive back. so much driving, and more money than i intended (or should've) to spend, but totally worth it.
this trip also made me think a lot about allison and my arbitrary decision to move to chicago. how would've turned out had we chosen philly? matty and donovan said we would've hated them already (ha!) but there is something to be said about the much smaller, scene feeling of philly that is more akin to portland or santa cruz where i find chicago on par with los angeles or even new york in the numerous neighborhoods and sheer size of the city that invites completely different community. who knows, maybe i've just been introspective lately, but i really can't help to consider (too introspective on this, and far too many other points probably...) i always liked the off minor lyric, "who you are is not a function of where you are", with a personal interpretation of too many people who continue to move, searching for something that they lack and hoping to magically find it with distance. i've thought that to be true in the past, but lately i've definitely been meriting an opposing viewpoint-that where you live can still largely dictate the scenes you involve yourself in and the ideas that are thrown around. i didn't feel like that changed greatly when i moved from santa cruz to sf, but it definitely has changed with my move to chicago.

anyhow, enough of that, i still have plenty on my plate, and a lot of good people around me. the new house (we moved back in september to humboldt park--the commute's longer, but the neighborhoodly vibe is worth it) is much larger and pretty amazing.